


Everybody Cares But Nobody Knows

by SeraphStarshine



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Abuse, Kidnapping, M/M, Memory Loss, Pedophilia, Rape, Stockholm Syndrome, Underage Sex, basically this one-shot is fucked up, unconsensual sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-06
Updated: 2016-03-06
Packaged: 2018-05-25 01:30:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6174892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SeraphStarshine/pseuds/SeraphStarshine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>"I - I don't, Ryan didn't escape...Sir was taking him somewhere, I don't know where, he said he was going to make everything better..." Gerard inhaled shakily, his eyes welling with tears at the mention of his best friend. "Can I please see Ryan?"</i>
</p><p>
  <i>"But he did escape Gerard, he managed to get away from Sir...he called us, that's how we found you."</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Everybody Cares But Nobody Knows

**Author's Note:**

> This one-shot is the product of watching too many episode of Criminal Minds in one night and wanting to experiment with writing something a bit darker than my usual stuff.
> 
> I am not going to sugarcoat it - this is pretty fucked up, so if rape triggers you at all, please don't read this.
> 
> Italics are flashbacks.
> 
> Bold italics are Gerard's thoughts.

"Gerard honey...do you know where you are?" a soft voice prodded gently, the blonde haired woman it belonged to shooting Gerard what was supposed to be a reassuring smile as he shrunk down in his chair, disliking the attention that was being placed on him, even though earlier he had been craving that exact thing.

"No..." Gerard whispered, the one word hardly resonating at all in the sparsely furnished room.

Gerard really didn't know where he was, or why he was here, or who all of these strange adults were, but he did know that he was scared - _terrified_ actually, and he just wanted to go home, but no one would listen to him. The new people hadn't paid any mind to him until just a few minutes ago, and Gerard was confused as to why they wanted to talk to him now. He had been forcibly hushed the last time he had attempted to speak, but something had obviously changed in the last five minutes that Gerard had missed out on.

After Gerard had been allowed to leave the white place, which was apparently called a hospital, they had bundled him into a black car, taking him to a nearby building before depositing him in this cold room, with nothing but a rickety chair and a hard oak table for decoration while they talked in the corner as if he didn't possess ears to hear, not that he understood most of what they were saying anyway, something about DNA testing, and post-traumatic stress, and permanent memory loss, and medical results, and Stockholm syndrome, which were all foreign words to Gerard.

Gerard began to whimper softly, his eyes welling up with tears for no particular reason, besides the fact that he was alone, and frightened, and he wanted Ryan to be here with him, or Sir, _anyone_ really, except for these strangers who had taken him away from the only people who cared about him.

**_I shouldn't be here._ **

**_Sir will be so mad._ **

**_Oh god..._ **

"You are at the police station...do you know why?" the woman who had identified herself as Tracy earlier on continued with her questions, and even though all Gerard wanted was to go back home, he forced himself to answer her, because maybe then she would let him leave.

"Because you took me here."

**_I can tell Sir that._ **

**_Maybe he won't punish me._ **

**_Maybe he will understand._ **

"Well yes, we did," Tracy sighed, her frustration with Gerard's response fracturing her calm composure for a brief moment, "but do you understand why we did that?"

"No...can I go back home now?" Gerard begged, his voice cracking at the end of his urgent plea.

**_Sir was out._ **

**_Maybe I can get back home before he notices I was gone._ **

**_Maybe Ryan will cover for me._ **

**_But Ryan isn't there anymore..._ **

"No Gerard, I can't do that, because that wasn't your home...you were kidnapped from your real family five years ago."

"I - you're lying, that's not true, I have always lived with Sir," Gerard protested, his head shaking back and forth fiercely in denial, his heartbeat speeding up in his chest as he tried not to let her words mean anything to him, but in a way, they did strike a chord somewhere within the murky corners of his mind, because why would she lie to him, why would she say those things unless she believed them to be true?

**_Sir is my only family._ **

**_Sir loves me._ **

**_No one else wants me._ **

"Gerard...you were taken from your front yard when you were ten years old, do you remember that at all, can you picture your mom or your dad...maybe your little brother?" Gerard gritted his teeth in irritation, because he couldn't remember someone who had never existed, but then why did he have those random dreams about people he couldn't name?

And to add to Gerard's confusion, he recalled that Ryan used to ask him questions like this as well, the topic coming up in their late night conversations that Sir always shut down as soon as they got too loud, even though Ryan's queries had trailed off early on in their friendship when he realized that Gerard had no memory of any other existence but the one he was currently living in.

_"Tell me about your old life Gerard, what was it like?" Ryan sighed, a dreamy quality dripping from his voice, his eyes closed and a soft smile on his face as he spoke._

_"W-what do you mean...haven't I always been here?" Gerard shifted nervously, his head hurting as he tried to remember if there was ever a time that he hadn't been by Ryan's side, that he hadn't lived in Sir's small home._

_"No...you just got here a few days ago, so you had to come from somewhere. Did you have a nice home, or any siblings, maybe a pet?" Ryan had prodded, his nose scrunching up as he shot Gerard a quizzical look._

_"I - I don't think so. All I remember is waking up here..." Gerard mumbled softly, hoping that Ryan wouldn't be upset with him for not being able to provide the answers he wanted._

_"Oh...okay Gee," Ryan exhaled, his hand coming up to finger the lump on Gerard's head that had yet to go down tenderly. "Do you want to hear about my old family?"_

_"Sure," Gerard had nodded, eager to take the attention off of himself and back onto his newfound friend._

"Sir is my family, Sir and Ryan," Gerard stated defiantly, forcing himself to push away the hazy images of an unfamiliar woman holding a small child out for his perusal. "I want to see Ryan," Gerard tried to demand, but it came out sounding pathetic and desperate instead.

**_But Ryan went out too._ **

**_He never came back._ **

**_Sir took him away from me._ **

"Ryan...yes - do you remember how long Ryan...um, _lived_ with you?" Tracy's voice was off, an odd undertone of something coloring it an unpleasant blue shade.

"Ryan has always been with me, Sir found him first," Gerard answered hesitantly, unsure how upset Sir would be with him if he discovered that he was telling a stranger about their private lives, but at the same time, he needed to be done with this woman so he could return to his room before Sir realized that Gerard was missing.

"Do you know how Ryan escaped today?"

**_How does she know that?_ **

**_But Ryan didn't escape._ **

**_Sir took him out with him...right?_ **

Gerard's eyes fluttered shut as he recalled last night, the way Ryan had been acting so strange, the hushed sentences he had whispered in Gerard's ear that had left a trace of fear in his chest, the heavy undertone to their usually lighthearted sharing of words that had become an evening ritual for the two of them worrying Gerard immensely, but he had assumed that everything would work out; Ryan was smart, Ryan knew what he was doing, but now Gerard wasn't so sure.

_"Gerard...do you trust me?" Ryan had spoken up suddenly, disturbing Gerard from his half-asleep state with his urgent timbre._

_"Of course Ryan," Gerard answered groggily, forcing himself to sit up slightly so he wouldn't doze off in the middle of their conversation._

_"Well...tomorrow, I'm going to leave, and I probably won't be able to come back for awhile, but I promise, I'm going to get you some help okay? I'll find a way to make sure you are safe."_

_"Where are you going...you can't leave me!" Gerard exclaimed, his face falling into a shocked expression as his best friend turned away from him slightly, a shushing sound falling from Ryan's mouth in an attempt to soothe Gerard out of his frantic state before he woke Sir up._

_"I have to...I don't have a choice. Sir is taking me away, but it will be okay. I can't explain it to you, but everything is going to get better really soon....I hope."_

_Gerard sighed in frustration as Ryan rolled over, proclaiming with his actions that he was done speaking for the night, leaving Gerard confused, and alone, and terrified, but exhaustion quickly overtook him, leaving him with little time to ponder what Ryan could possibly mean, his clouded declarations fading away as Gerard surrendered to slumber._

Ryan always spoke in riddles though, so that wasn't anything new. He was constantly going on about a different life, a _better_ one, one without Sir, one where it was just the two of them, but Gerard didn't mind Sir so much; he took care of them, he fed them, he was family, and _yes_ \- he did get angry from time to time, but he had never truly hurt Gerard, not until last night that is.

**_No..._ **

**_He said it was good._ **

**_He said I would like it._ **

**_But I didn't..._ **

Gerard shifted in his seat uncomfortably, a hot spike of pain shooting up his spine at the sudden movement, causing an almost imperceptible cry to escape his lips, but luckily, it seemed to escape Tracy's notice.

"Gerard..." Tracy reached across the table, supposedly intending to take Gerard's hand in hers, but Gerard flinched away from the touch, his skin crawling as her fingers brushed against his clammy palm briefly.

"I - I don't, Ryan didn't escape...Sir was taking him somewhere, I don't know where, he said he was going to make everything better..." Gerard inhaled shakily, his eyes welling with tears at the mention of his best friend. "Can I please see Ryan?"

"But he _did_ escape Gerard, he managed to get away from Sir...he called us, that's how we found you."

**_Why would Ryan run?_ **

**_Why would Ryan send these people to our home?_ **

**_Why would he do this to me?_ **

"No! You are lying - stop lying to me! Ryan wouldn't do that...he wouldn't bring me here...I need to see him," Gerard wailed, a few salty tears escaping down his cheeks without his consent.

"Gerard - Gerard please, calm down, it's okay...you are safe now," Tracy pleaded, her hands clenching and unclenching around a folder that was lying on the table between them, her use of the word _safe_ only upsetting Gerard even further, because that was the exact terminology that Ryan had used the other night, but Gerard felt anything but safe in this moment.

"No - just shut up okay! Go away!" Gerard screamed, his voice cracking at the end of his exclamation, his body curling into a ball as he tried to make himself as small as possible.

"Tracy, I'll take over from here." 

The sound of a door opening preceded the second voice, and despite his anger, Gerard found himself raising his head slowly, curiosity overwhelming him as he observed an older man walking into the room, his hand resting on Tracy's shoulder once he reached her side, Tracy's posture relaxing under his kind gesture.

"Thank you," Tracy exhaled, leaving the manila folder behind as she quickly vacated the small chair, allowing the new man to take her place.

"Gerard, my name is Gregory...would it be okay if I talked to you for a little while?"

"I - okay," Gerard answered wearily, his heart rate slowing down as a sudden wash of calming energy rushed over him. 

Maybe it was because this was a man, and Gerard had felt uncomfortable around the other woman, having no contact with the fairer sex before, or maybe it was because Gregory looked slightly like Sir - not _identical_ , but he had the same dark hair despite his locks being streaked with gray, and a similar small yet powerful frame, Gerard even spied a tattoo on his wrist peeking out from its hiding place underneath his light button up shirt.

"I promise I will keep this short, but I need you to tell me if this was the man you have been... _living_ with." Gregory opened the folder, twisting it around so that Gerard was faced with a small picture of Sir looking dirty and disheveled, holding up a black plaque that said Frank Iero on it in white letters.

"Yes...that's Sir," Gerard nodded, his eyes trying to comprehend the rest of the words on the page, but his reading skills were rudimentary at best, and most of the vocabulary was far outside his realm of understanding.

"And did Frank - I mean _Sir_ \- ever hurt you, did he ever make you do something you didn't want to do?" Gregory spoke in almost a whisper, his body tensing up as he waited for Gerard's response.

**_I don't want this Sir._ **

**_Please...it hurts._ **

**_Oh god - make it stop._ **

"No - I mean, he got angry every now and then, but he never meant to. He always apologized after our punishments, and I usually deserved it..." Gerard mumbled, his throat burning as he choked back the words that seemed to want to tumble from his lips without his consent, but Gerard couldn't tell, Sir would be furious with him, and then he would do it again, only worse... _oh god_ \- could it even get any worse than it had been the first time?

"Gerard," Gregory's calm voice took on a sorrowful cast, his blue-grey eyes appearing on the verge of tears as he waited to make sure Gerard was listening, "when we found you, you were bleeding badly, you are malnourished and on the brink of starving, and you have bruises on a large majority of your body...I just need to know if Sir did this to you, and if he was alone, or if he had any other accomplices?"

"It - it was just Sir, and he's nice...he feeds us, and he only hits us if we act out." Gerard tried to stay strong, but his defenses were failing, his body trembling slightly as memories of last night began to assault his fragile mind.

**_It burns._ **

**_I'm dying._ **

**_Please kill me._ **

"Do you know what they tested you for at the hospital?" When Gerard shook his head no, Gregory continued speaking. "You were given a rape kit, and it came back showing serious signs of trauma. Gerard...it's okay to tell us if Sir did something you didn't like, I promise you that he won't find out."

"I - I..." Gerard was cut off by a tortured wail escaping his mouth, his hands coming up to cover his eyes as if that could erase the vivid images flickering behind them, but it wasn't working, _nothing_ was working, and Gerard was forced to relive the worst moment of his life as if it was truly happening to him all over again.

_"Gerard...you know I love you right?" Sir asked as soon as he walked into the room, making sure to bolt the door behind him just like always._

_"Of course Sir," Gerard answered instantly, his eyes focusing on a dark red stain that clung to Sir's usually pristine clothing, but he knew better than to question Sir about anything; maybe he was just making Gerard dinner, and he had spilled some sauce on his shirt, it had been a few days since Gerard could remember eating anything._

_"Well I want to show you how much I love you, I think you are old enough now, and with Ryan gone, it is just you and me."_

_Gerard had to bite his lip to prevent himself from asking where Ryan was now, because Sir hated any sort of inquiries, and it would only result in Gerard being punished and sent to bed without food for the rest of the night._

_"Okay Sir," Gerard nodded, his posture stiff as Sir quickly closed the small distance between the two of them, his hands coming up to rest heavily on Gerard's waist in a manner that made Gerard squirm uncomfortably._

_"I love you," Sir whispered again, his mouth coming closer and closer to Gerard's face, and even though Gerard's initial instinct was to pull away, he forced himself to stand perfectly still, every muscle in his body tensing up as Sir pressed his chapped lips against Gerard's thin ones forcibly._

_"I love you too," Gerard mumbled stiffly.  
_

_"Relax Gee, it's okay," Sir whispered, his breath causing Gerard to shudder slightly as Sir began toying with the buttons of Gerard's oversized shirt, his fingers cool and unfamiliar against Gerard's pale skin._

_"Sir...what are you doing?" Gerard couldn't help but ask when Sir slid the article of clothing off his shoulders, exposing Gerard's bare chest to his roving gaze, and even though Gerard flinched as soon as the words left his mouth, Sir didn't hit him, or yell at him, instead, he surprisingly answered his question._

_"I'm going to make love to you Gee." Sir's voice came out in a soothing tone, but his eyes carried a dangerous glint that Gerard had only seen in Sir's hazel irises once or twice in his life, and he was afraid now, so very afraid, because that look always preceded the worst punishments._

_"I don't understand," Gerard whimpered, his eyes staring at Sir's tattooed hands as he removed his pants quickly, the scratchy fabric falling to the floor with an imperceptible thump that somehow seemed to ring out much too loudly in the small room._

_"Shut up Gee," Sir snapped, anger contorting his features for a brief moment, causing Gerard to shy away nervously, his hands coming up to cover himself the best that he could._

_"I'm sorry..." Gerard cringed, his eyes welling with tears as he inched away from Sir slowly, his retreat halted when his knees hit the mattress on the other side of the room._

_"It's okay...just - just lay down," Sir ordered, and Gerard had no choice but to comply, his eyes squeezing shut as Sir's heavy body covered his own, their lips mashing together again as Sir made an odd sound in the back of his throat._

_Gerard tried his best not to cry, even though he was confused, and scared, and overwhelmed, because Sir wouldn't like that, Sir would get cross with him, and Gerard didn't want that, not when Sir seemed to be enjoying himself so much._

_"Roll over baby," Sir commanded after a few minutes had passed, and Gerard did so soundlessly, his legs trembling as Sir's hands began traveling over his bare skin, a soft gasp leaving Gerard's mouth when Sir touched him in between his legs. "You like that - don't you Gee...you want me, I know you do," Sir murmured, his fingers continuing to caress Gerard in that hidden place as the sound of a buckle being removed rang out harshly._

_"I - I do?" Gerard's answer came out as more of a question, because yes - Sir's touch there did feel nice, but it seemed wrong at the same time._

_Gerard wanted to enjoy this, he was really trying to for Sir's sake, but he just couldn't force himself to relax, and all he wanted was for Sir to leave so he could dress himself again and pretend that this had never happened, but he was already walking a fine line, and Sir would surely beat him senselessly if he voiced those thoughts aloud._

_"Good, it's going to get so much better." Sir spat into his hand suddenly, the sound causing Gerard to twist his neck around so he could see what was happening, his jaw dropping open when he caught a glimpse of Sir stroking himself with his saliva soaked palm, his eyes rolling up in the back of his head as soft groans spilled from his throat._

_"Sir, I - I don't..." Gerard found the courage to try and express his doubts as he felt something blunt pressing behind him, because this wasn't okay - Sir was trying to get inside him, and no - Gerard didn't want this, he knew he didn't._

_"Shut up!" Sir yelled, his hand coming up to slap Gerard hard across the face, his neck snapping with an audible click as he fell forward once again, his eyes brimming with tears as Sir began to push himself into Gerard's entrance._

_A tortured scream left Gerard's throat when Sir began moving, because this wasn't right, this couldn't be making love - it hurt, oh god, it burned, it ached, and no matter how hard Gerard tried to pull away from Sir, he couldn't. Sir had a solid grip on his hips, he was shoving in harder now, and Gerard felt like he was tearing apart, he was dying, he had to be, no one could survive this type of agony without death taking them away._

_"Sir - stop, oh god, it hurts, please..." Gerard cried, his body shaking as he sobbed heavily, his arms unable to support his weight anymore as he collapsed face first onto the mattress, his cheek rubbing against the threadbare fabric as Sir continued his back and forth motions._

_"Oh god Gee, you feel so good, love you so much," Sir was whispering to himself, his eyes closed in pure bliss as he continued to pound into Gerard, the strange sound that Gerard had heard coming from the other room when Sir would take Ryan away for a short while filling his ears, and now Gerard knew what it was, it was skin slapping against skin, which meant Ryan had done this with Sir, so if he could endure it, Gerard could too, he had to._

_If only it didn't hurt so badly, why did making love involve such intense pain? Gerard's insides were on fire, his back breaking under the pressure, his stomach churning as Sir kept moving, his eyes burning as his tears continued to fall, his throat hoarse and scratchy from his endless screams that he did his best to muffle in the flat pillow, and all Gerard wanted was for oblivion to overtake him, he wanted to pass out, or something, anything to end this torment._

_It seemed like hours trickled by as Sir grunted and groaned, his movements never ceasing as his hands trailed over Gerard's bare body, sometimes slipping in between his legs to fondle him, but the touch did nothing for Gerard, it didn't feel good anymore, it didn't release that strange warm feeling it had the first time, and Sir quickly stopped giving Gerard attention down there, moving his fingers into Gerard's hair, the digits tangling in Gerard's dirty, shoulder length locks as he tugged roughly with each thrust._

_After what was probably only a few minutes that had transformed into eons in Gerard's mind, Sir gasped suddenly, his body trembling as his motions finally stilled, something hot filling Gerard up as Sir moaned loudly. Gerard whimpered quietly, his lower half collapsing as soon as Sir released his hold on his now bruised hips, a pained cry leaving Gerard's mouth when the movement intensified his agony._

_"You did so good Gerard, I love you," Sir smiled before leaning down and pressing a soft kiss to Gerard's clammy forehead, his retreating footsteps sounding out not even a moment later._

_As soon as the door shut behind him, Gerard wailed loudly, his limbs curling around himself as if that could protect him from what had just happened, but everything still hurt. Gerard's entire body ached, his sobs intensifying as he shifted slightly, revealing a steadily growing pool of reddish liquid that was trickling down his thighs, the odd substance staining the only sheet Gerard had a gruesome color._

_Gerard threw himself off of the ruined material, falling to the floor weakly despite the burning agony in his back, because he had to get away, he had to move, he had to escape the visual reminder of what had just occurred, even though Gerard knew that he could run to the other end of the world and the memory of Sir pressing himself inside of him would never leave him._

_But just when Gerard was borderline hysterical, his cries bubbling past his tainted lips with no signs of stopping, the small flap at the bottom of his door opened, and a plate of food was pressed inside by the tattooed hands that had just been wrapped in Gerard's hair, which meant Gerard had done the right thing, Sir was pleased, and now Gerard would get to eat, so it couldn't have been all bad - right?_

"I can't tell you - Sir will find out, I know he will, and then he will do it again...I don't want him to do it again, please don't let him," Gerard begged, his watery eyes finally focusing on Gregory for the first time in the past few minutes, his earlier resolve to pretend that nothing had happened snapping under the strain of the vivid flashbacks that were still playing in the dark reaches of his mind. Even if Sir hadn't meant to hurt him, he _had_ , and Gerard didn't want to experience that ever again, no matter how many meals he got afterward.

"He won't Gerard - I _promise_ , that's why we brought you here, so we can protect you, but to do that, we have to find Sir...he wasn't at the house when we rescued you, and I need to know if you have any idea where he could be."

"Can - can I see Ryan?" Gerard asked again. He ached for his friend to be here with him so he could tell him what the right thing to do was, because Gerard didn't know anymore, but Ryan would, Ryan always knew what to do.

Gerard was torn in two, because he wanted to escape Sir's touch, but he also wanted his best friend by his side when he did it. Ryan promised him that they would always be together, and Ryan was the only person that had never lied to Gerard. Gerard's loyalty to Sir was quickly waning, but he wasn't brave enough to betray him on his own.

"Gerard...is this...is this Ryan?" Gregory asked, revealing another picture for Gerard's perusal, his hand covering the lower half of the photo as he held it up so Gerard could get a better look at it.

"Yes...is - is he okay?" Gerard asked warily, because Ryan didn't look like himself. He was lying down, his eyes closed, his face pale, red liquid staining his skin and the area around him, his limbs sprawled at an awkward angle that didn't seem comfortable at all.

"Gerard, I know this is hard to hear, but Ryan is dead - Sir _killed_ him, and the only way we can make him pay for what he did is if you help us, so can you try and remember..."

Everything turned to white noise as Gregory continued to speak, the only indication that he was doing so was the movement of his lips, but Gerard couldn't hear him anymore, his ears were buzzing as Gregory's previous words pounded inside of his brain painfully, his mind trying to process the unthinkable.

**_Ryan..._ **

**_No, no, no._ **

**_Killed - dead, he can't be._ **

**_Lies!_ **

**_But...but the picture..._ **

For some reason, Gerard knew that Gregory wasn't trying to trick him, he could sense it, and no matter what logic Gerard applied to the evidence presented before him, he was unable to dispute the photograph in front of his face, especially when Gregory's arm slipped and Gerard caught sight of the gaping, bloody hole in Ryan's chest that he had been trying to spare Gerard from viewing.

"No..." Gerard whispered, his body hunching downward as a wave of nausea overtook him, his stomach suddenly emptying itself onto the once pristine tile floor, all of the food Sir had graced him with spilling out of his mouth in a burning torrent of stomach acid and bile.

"I'm so sorry Gerard." Gregory's voice came from somewhere above him, one of his large hands rubbing Gerard's back gently as he continued to dry heave, bitter tears spilling down his face as he gagged over and over again.

Once Gerard had gotten control of himself again, his weak muscles slowly sitting back up, the pain in his back secondary to the ache in his heart, his eyes immediately snapped to the picture of Ryan.

Gerard felt a new emotion bubbling in his chest alongside the aching despair as he viewed what remained of his friend; _hate_ filled him, hate for Sir, hate for what Sir had done to him last night, but most of all, hate that stemmed from the fact that Sir had taken Ryan away from him.

"Okay - I'll help you."


End file.
